"An urge I simply couldn’t ignore"

My body hadn’t gotten used to it, it had dissociated.

This month, I started a new project, and it revealed something really important to me.

The project requires me to sit for 8 hours a day, something my body isn’t used to. And honestly, I don’t want to get used to it. I want to find a way to do it that still feels loving to my body. During the first few days, I had to get up and stretch every hour. I physically couldn’t sit still—there was this inner push, an urge I simply couldn’t ignore.

After about a week, a friend asked if I had gotten used to all the sitting. And that’s when I noticed something significant. My body “got used to it”. Physically, it no longer bothered me. The push was gone. But something else had taken its place, I felt irritated, frustrated, cranky, just "meh".

Then, one evening, I exercised. The moment I started moving, the tears came. All the emotions I hadn’t even realized I was holding just poured out. My body hadn’t gotten used to it, it had dissociated.

And the big realization? Sometimes, dissociation is so hard to notice. No matter how much inner work we do, it can sneak up on us. And that’s okay. We learn and we grow.

Wishing you a beautiful day!

Alenka